Female runner legsOkay so I’ve never ran in the Olympics or anything.  Actually, I’ve never even ran on a track team.  Okay I did attempt the track team once after being told that I was built like a runner but the way my lungs are set up, it didn’t work out.  I became a professional in running away from my problems.

In my 20’s, I always worked multiple jobs and kept a savings account that allowed me to live on my terms.  When I didn’t like a job, I quit.  When I had an issue with a roommate, I decided to live alone.  When I started having problems with my mother, I moved out.  When my relationship was falling apart, I left.  I had put in so much time at one particular company, the manager would allow me to explore other opportunities but always kept an open door for me to return to my position.  The behavior had started when I was a little girl and I don’t think my parents saw it as a problem.  I took piano lessons for a little while.  When I stopped liking piano, I was able to quit.  The same was with tennis, ballet and any other extracurricular activity I showed a short lived interest in.  The problem was that with all the quitting, leaving and running I never learned true discipline, how to speak up for myself or get what I knew I deserved.  I allowed others to dictate how far I could go and where I would go or I just sabotaged it myself.  Well one thing is for certain, you can’t spend your entire life running.

7 years ago, I ended up in Las Vegas because I was running away from a relationship.  It was probably the best run that I ever made but I’m realizing I gave up so much of my power; power and strength that I didn’t know I had.  My situation had drastically changed from when I was in my early 20’s.  I wasn’t surrounded by family or friends and I couldn’t work 2 and 3 jobs so I didn’t have that savings that had provided me a way of escape in the past.  I finally had to face my STUFF.  I had to come to terms with me, what I wanted out of life and stop running from what I didn’t want.  I was attracting everything I didn’t want in life because that’s where my focus was, I honestly didn’t know what I wanted.

It didn’t happen overnight and even these past few months have proven that there is still a little bit of a runner in me but I am learning how to surrender.  I literally had to be left without a penny to my name in order for me to stay put this past month.  But it was the best situation for me in order to stay on the path of living out my purpose.  If I had ran a month ago like I wanted to, I would not have ran into Le’Andria Johnson and discussed The Le’Andria Johnson Collection a couple of weeks ago or had the opportunity to work the red carpet at the Soul Train Awards on Friday (November 7, 2014).  Both of these have been goals of mine, I would have literally been forfeiting my dreams.  I am retiring my running shoes for some stilettos, I think I’ll look better in them walking through these open doors.  I don’t want to be down to my last anymore to recognize all the blessings that are literally chasing me down.  I am ready to receive all that God’s has for me and I am going to continue watering where He has me planted.

I show my scars so that others know they can heal.” Someone needs to see your scars!

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Sunday Mourning