When I began this journey, I thought that it ended at a specific location; a destination.  Instead, I have realized that the journey does not end, it just brings new experiences, lessons to be learned and battles to be fought and won.  I could stop here, by choice, or I can continue on and see what the end will be.   For a short while, I had gotten comfortable with the place I was at; I was content.  “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

But then I noticed a shift, my usual prayer life was no longer enough, my daily devotions, meditations and fellowship.  I began to feel as if I was alone.  I felt more distant in my prayers, not even knowing what to pray because I felt God knew my heart.  See I was content with the healing that had to been done in my life, but I knew that my healing was not the end of my process but the beginning.  After shouting “YES” in the beginning, my “YES” became a whisper.  I was being pushed or maybe pulled, because God had been leading me the entire time, but I wasn’t moving.  I no longer struggle with the strongholds of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness, rather fear, shyness and lack of confidence.  So now I sit and ask, “who moved?”

I had to reach out to someone, my mentor.  Though I couldn’t clearly describe the space that I am in, she was able to explain to me what was happening.  ” You can feel the pull to come up higher, but the fear of knowing what “higher’ is keeps you stagnant…The enemy has your mind so clouded with fear that you can’t even hear from the Lord…”  She encouraged me to just lay prostate before the Lord.  She was embarking on a fast this week and her words were ” I am taking you with me”. 

My desire is to do what the Lord has called for me to do.  “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13  I began my 40 day journey two weeks ago and I refuse to turn a 40 day journey into a 40 year journey.  Lord I am available to you.  I am drawing you closer and no longer pushing back.  I trust that everything I need on this journey you have already saw fit to equip me with.  I need to walk in it and believe, for we walk by faith and not by sight.  I am releasing the fear and doubt.  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7